the [non]billable hour

The joy of lawyering.

Another anonymous lawyer blogger who claims to be the "hiring partner at a large firm in a major city," at the aptly titled Anonymous Lawyer. I know he/she is truly a large firm lawyer because you just can't make this stuff up:

I hate Fridays. Everyone else in the world loves Fridays because it means the weekend is here. I hate Fridays because it means another weekend when I should be home but instead I'll either be at work, thinking about work, or wondering if I should be at work. Saturday at least. Sunday I don't work. Well, 80% of the time. Sunday is help my family spend my paycheck day. Anyone want a pony?

Or this:

A kid that I interviewed this past fall -- I can't remember exactly which one -- commented on all the stacks of paper in everyone's office. It was just idle small-talk, it wasn't like he asked a question about the paper, or made a big deal of it. He said he'd have thought so much more would be electronic. And a lot of what we do is electronic -- I certainly don't print out every e-mail I get -- but you can't mark up a document on the computer, you can't carry it down the hall and wave it in someone's face and ask them what they were thinking when they left out the comma on page 17. I never thought about it before, but I can't imagine ever getting to a point where there wasn't all this paper. You just can't walk into an associate's office, slam your laptop on his desk, and scroll down to the place where he made a mistake. You need to have that brief printed out, you need to be able to tear those pages right in front of eyes, to scatter them wildly across the room, to fill the sheet with red lines and crosses and corrections, to crumple those papers up, toss them in the trash can, light them on fire, and watch them burn. Sure, we could probably afford to destroy a couple dozen laptops a day just to make a point that we demand perfection -- but paper just works so much better for that.

And finally:

Someone, and I think I know who, keeps "borrowing" my stapler and never returning it. So I have to get my assistant just to come in here and staple some papers for me. Or if it's 7:30 in the morning, and my assistant isn't here yet, I have to go wandering the halls looking for someone else's stapler, so I can steal it, and bring it back to my desk. I shouldn't have to go combing the halls for a stapler. I'm a hiring partner. Staplers should be lining up at my door, begging for me to use them. Like summer associates. The hiring process is very rewarding, but having thirty insufferable law students here for 10 weeks every summer is a real chore. None of them know how to do anything, but they don't realize it and just end up making everyone else's lives more difficult. There are two types of summer associates that bother me the most. The first are the ones who half-ass everything and turn in memos that my five-year-old niece could write. The second are the ones who are hell-bent on finding a "mentor" and follow me around all day. "Can I look over your shoulder while you read a three-hundred-page contract?" No! If I like the work you're doing, I'll come find you and take you to lunch and, if you're lucky, make you feel like you actually belong. But if you make yourself my shadow, the only thing you're doing is making me wish we never gave you an offer. Those stakes really aren't high enough. We need to fire more summer associates. That would make the summer fun again. I need a stapler.

From the senior partner, with love.

From the And What Thanks Do We Get blog from one of the anonymous firm partners, complaining to/about his associates:

And while I'm on the subject, who is the "us" you refer to when you moan about how much the client is paying us? The "us" that I am thinking of is my partners and me. You figure into the equation as overhead. I don't hear the desks and chairs complaining about what our clients pay. The nonprofessional staff is blissfully unaware of what our realization rate is. Be more like that. The day may come when you are asked to participate in the discussions that the partnership has on these matters. I assure you, these meetings are much less about oysters and caviar and lighting cigars with $20 bills than you think. Be glad that you are presently spared from the grind of partners' meetings-- I do not know a single partner in a law firm anywhere that enjoys that aspect of what we do, and you will be no different. For now, you are called upon to work enough to justify what we pay you, and the work we have is what enables you to fulfill your part of the bargain.

I wish the firm partners weren't anonymous so I could find out if they are seeking additional "overhead" and send them a resume:

HELP WANTED: Traditional law firm seeking qualified, blissfully unaware, overhead. Flexible hours -- work enough to justify what we pay. Challenging work with partners and the support of nonprofessional staff. Apply by sending resume to ...

I hope I get the job.

How not to write like a lawyer.

Great non-disclosure agreement written by a non-lawyer for non-lawyers:

Confidentiality: Paul asks that you not show or tell anyone this idea without first calling him at 781-648-1500 to ask his OK. If you tell one person you trust, they will tell one person they trust, and so on. If this idea gets out too early, Paul's business could be ruined. Thanks.

Via Business Opportunities Weblog.

Things to remember when talking to clients.

Saw this post on the blog Knowledge Jolt with Jack about Wiio's Laws, kind of the Murphy's Law of communication:

1. Communication usually fails, except by accident.
2. If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes damages.
3. There is always someone who knows better than you what you meant with your message.
4. The more we communicate, the worse communication succeeds.
5. In mass communication, the important thing is not how things are but how they seem to be.
6. The importance of a news item is inversely proportional to the square of the distance.
7. The more important the situation is, the more probably you forget an essential thing that you remembered a moment ago.

Like Murphy's Law, these are all tongue in cheek, but remember rule 2 before you send that letter to your opposing counsel or your client.

Wait 'til next year.

I posted two weeks ago about my Fighting Illini and was happy (relieved) to see them advance to the Sweet 16. On Friday night, I went to the ESPN Zone in Chicago with fellow Techshow attendees Ernie (the Attorney) Svenson, Buzz Bruggemann and Bob Ambrogi to watch the Illinois-Duke game. Buzz is a true evangelist -- taking a break from his ActiveWords crusade, he tried to enlist a predominately Illlinois crowd to root for his alma mater Duke. Duke won, Buzz picked up the tab, and I sound like my wife (the Cubs fan): Wait 'til next year.

Quote of the Day

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow, study as if you were to live forever." Thomas More

What is your purpose?

Tom Asacker has a wonderful post on his Rebel with a Cause weblog. Tom starts, as he almost always does, with a quote, this time from Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said, "The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." Tom writes about "branding" and "marketing" in his blog, but read the rest of his post and imagine he is talking about being the perfect lawyer:

The same is true of business and of work. Because after all, it's still life isn't it? And I'm talking about purpose . . . not mission. Not vision. Not money. Purpose. I keep coming back to this critical aspect of one's brand, because it seems to differentiate the best from the rest.

1. Useful - Is you business helpful? Is it enjoyable? Does it improve the lives of your customers and employees? Or are you simply filling the world with more noise and more stuff and lining your pockets in the process? If you're not sure, take a good, long look at the faces of your constituents. Are they smiling and serene? Do they feel good about themselves and their decisions in your presence? No? Then wake up! This is your big shot at making a difference in people's lives and in the world.

2. Honorable - Are you honest, straightforward, trustworthy? Do you play fair? And if not, whom do you think you're fooling? I'll tell you who. You're fooling your kids! You are not doing them a favor by providing for their financial security through your Machiavellian methods. That's simply more b.s. self-talk to make you feel good about yourself. What they need during these chaotic times is a role model to teach them what's truly important in life. So for their sake, get real!

3. Compassionate - If you think compassion is a wishy-washy concept in business, think again. Compassion is the deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. Isn't that the key to innovation? Developing a deep understanding of the problems people have with their present life situation and developing products, services and business models to eliminate those problems? Of course it is. The days of make and sell are SO over. Sense and respond is the new branding mantra.

Now, reread #2 and go home and play with your kids.

The Problem with Competing on Price.

Rob at BusinessPundit has a great post on the dangers of competing on price -- especially with Wal Mart (as learned by Toys R Us). Rob says:

Blame it on Wal-Mart. Toys R Us should have seen it coming. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't, but rule number two for leaders is embrace the inevitable. Competing on price is, in my opinion, not that great of a strategy. Toys R Us needs to give people a reason to come to the stores other than just cheap toys. People can go to WalMart for that.

Competing on price is almost always dangerous. If you are able to offer your clients competent legal representation at a price lower than your competition, that's great. However, matching the lowest-priced lawyer in town can be a risky strategy -- unless you can match his or her low overhead, staffing costs, etc. If you can't, offer something that lawyer can't -- better service, quicker turnaround time, higher competence -- and charge accordingly.

I am reminded of the time I started working with another lawyer as his associate. He advertised "free consultations" in the yellow pages, believing this would bring in business, and then delegated to me most of the initial client meetings. I liked the work and enjoyed meeting a number of people, but found that at least 60% of the people I met did not retain the firm. When I opened my own office, and continued the free consultation policy, I tried to find out why. I first thought that I had somehow failed to communicate my competence or answer the potential client's questions. Instead, I found just the opposite to be true -- in many cases I had managed to answer the potential client's questions and/or solve their problems in the initial consult. They often felt that after the initial meeting, they no longer needed a lawyer any more. Since then, I have charged for initial consultations (though other lawyers in my area still do them for free) and have never had anyone complain about the cost of the consult. Most people want to talk to a lawyer and they appreciate one who will take the time to listen to their problems and offer suggestions for solving them. After all, nobody goes to the dentist for a checkup and expects to get the service for free, even if they have no cavities.

Go Illini!

I've been able to catch up on my blogging quite a bit today. Now is time to watch my Fighting Illini begin their trip to the final four. See everyone next week!

Thank you, John Porcaro

John knows why. Check out his blog.